Just last week I returned to Brazil from the U.S. (I've been an expat for 23 years.) I spent two weeks, entirely in the South, traipsing over Arkansas, Tennessee, Mississippi and Alabama. In between road trips I had a fair chance at the news. Summary of my reaction: Not. Happy.

The news was like an animated gif in endless loop and about as informative as said gif is entertaining.

Over-groomed talking heads, spawning blondes and toothy smiles and even cleavage, can't wait for co-host or guest to finish talking, but produce a babel I could get -- and participate in -- at a family reunion or backyard barbecue.

Flashy intros worthy of game shows tip us off to the shallow blather tagged as news.

Commentators and consultants ring the plexiglass tables with their eyes on the choicest riposte, analyzing replays of arched eyebrows, finger games, factual goofs and political gaffes.

All the while, the world rotates on its axis, and Americans haven't a clue as to what makes it spin.

In record time I got my fill of American news, glad to be back home where, by choice, the TV stays mute and the silence continues golden.